Give a whistle the energy it needs to convince your boss the evacuation alarm sounded.

Conserve trees by blowing the seeds and excrement from the bottom of bird cages, thus saving the paper for further usage.

Clean the crumbs from a bucket seat.

Don't handle them directly - blow the dust off those mouse balls!

Ear wax removal. Place three drops of warm salt water in the ear canal. Allow to set for one minute. Hold air-straw two inches from ear canal, BLOW... see if you can hit someone with the flying wax.

Blowing liquid through a straw. With the use of compressed air, the liquid can be blown further. With the use of 1/2" diameter plastic tubing, and a midnight tube-running office visit, it can be blown on unsuspecting co-workers from behind closed doors.

Rev up that grill: Stand back about two feet and rev up your charcoal grill fire with a few blows!

Blowing up skirts à la Marilyn Monroe.

Wart removal: invert can, spray to freeze wart.

Freeze gum that is stuck in the carpet or upholstery and then remove with a putty knife.

Removing cats from keyboards.

Removing annoying non-IT coworkers (they usually think it’s some sort of harmful chemical).

Removing toilet water from a cell phone dropped there by my 16-year-old.

Paperweight – particularly useful while using another can to dust desk.

On slow days, draw a shuffleboard diagram on a tabletop; use canned air to shoot bottle caps to score.

Canned air is perfect for cleaning the cut whiskers out of your electric razor.

Cleaning residue from coffee grinder.

Blowing excess cheese out of your Mac ‘n Cheese.

Inflating understuffed ravioli to create the illusion of overstuffed.

Put a froth of foam on your coffee, and it’s cheaper than Starbucks.

Turn the can upside down and quickly cool your favorite flavor of Jell-O after boiling it in the microwave. Particularly effective for green Jell-O.

Also great for that half-bottle of Mountain Dew on the corner of the desk when you just won’t drink it warm.

Fill can with mildly pressurized, purified air (nothing but 78% N2, 21% O2, 0.94% Ar2, 0.03% CO2 and a 0.03% mix of other natural elemental gases). This results in a colorless and odorless mixture. Then, whenever you tire of the smell and poisons of pollution, just spray the pure air in your face and breathe deep!

Indoor Model Rocketry: Take one of those handy little film canisters normally used for holding case screws - tape rocket style fins to the canister. Important: the fat end of the fins must be at the open end of the canister. While holding the canister open end up invert the canned air and spray into the canister for several seconds creating a 1/8 inch deep pool of propellant. Immediately place the cap on the canister and place cap down on any level surface. In a matter of moments the "Indoor Rocket" is launched at extremely high speed into the air / ceiling tiles / boss’s office.

Support the wind power industry by keeping the turbines going whenever the wind drops.

Spray liberally to cool the air when global warming heats it.

Spray liberally to warm the air when global warming produces unusually cold weather.

Blowing bubbles; simply insert into the little bottle and zillions of bubble appear from nowhere.

Emergency can of air for fish tank, when the fish tank pump breaks down.

Help blow milk out of you nose.

Shoot paper wads out of straw.

Play air hockey at McDonalds with Triangle Straw.

Turn pages in your Smart Computing Magazine.

Creating dust devils – insert into bag of powdered sugar and let it rip.

Emergency outboard motor.

Defeathering noisy parakeets.

Chocolate milk stirrer.

Blow it in the face of your dog to create the illusion of hanging head out of window while driving.

Blow in your cat’s face so she can pretend she is being chased by the dog in the car.

Forcing sand further into sensitive machinery to increase wear factor.

Cooling down the arm pits, especially when hot and wet.

Since the canned air doesn't contain air, but some heavier than air gas -- it can be used to make "heavy balloons" that fall to the ground like bricks. Sure to amaze your coworkers!

Irritate next door’s pit bull.

See just how big you can inflate a bull frog before it pops.

Turn the pages on a calendar once a month.

Win every time playing balloon-keep-up.

There are a lot of machines in the lab and the white noise tends to lull tired technicians to sleep. A squirt of canned air to the ear wakes 'em right up!

Humane fly swatter.

A very short shot of air will force ink into a refilled cartridge. Insert in fill hole, cover with paper towel and give a burst. Ink will flow from the jet nozzle of the cartridge. Too much air will make a mess!

Use to blow out windshield wiper hose.

Tape can to model boat, then tape down nozzle and put in water.

Use a lot of cases of air to blow off leaves from yard.

Blow out rain gutters.

Blow bubbles in bath water.

Irritate wasps.

Help get kites off the ground.

Blow sand into your brother’s shorts.

Insert into front of pants and cool down.

As a fishing aid: Use the canned air to sail the line out.

Keeping the cat off of the sofa.

Chill a pitcher of tea, put can into tea and pull trigger.

If you have nothing but a warm can of soda and the ice tray is empty, you can freeze the water in the bottom of a paper cup...invert the can and spray inside the cup.

Freezing body parts of unwelcome visitors in your office – invert the can, aim at body part and squeeze while informing the user that you don’t take walk-in requests. If repeated with sufficient frequency and consistency this should elicit a Pavlovian response and create an aversion to not following the correction procedure for submitting a help ticket.

Cooling solder.

Removing chewed off fingernails from keyboard.

Cleaning piercings.

Making obnoxious armpit noises – insert straw in armpit, squeeze arm to side of body and press trigger.

Expelling ants from your work area.

Cooling your coffee in a caffeine emergency.

Removing irritants from bra without having to disrobe.

Ejecting the fluff from between toes while avoiding actual contact.

Cooling skin within a cast.

As an air-brush propellant.

Playing the game of "Blow Football" – traditionally played by blowing through straws, but expeditious use of canned air makes for longer and more challenging games with reduced risk of asphyxiation.

Ridding infrequently used power supplies of brown recluse spiders (this happened…).

Cooling your feet off without having to remove socks or shoes – insert straw in sock and squeeze trigger. Be warned that this has the added bonus of liberally distributing body odor if you suffer from this problem (this also applies to 5).

Adding foam to hot chocolate.

Locating precisely which tooth it is that has become cold sensitive.

Painting with hot and cold.

Blasting the crud out of mice.

The Incredible Growing Putty Ball.

Firing small missiles.

Surprising a napping cat.

Confusing telemarketers – not as effective as an air horn, but still quite alarming.

Drying skate bearings.

Clearing sinuses (don’t try this).

Inflating balloons.

Quick-drying PlayDoh® sculptures of miniature donkeys made at desk on slow days.

At last count, Bill Gates had an estimated net worth of $42 billion dollars ($42,000,000,000.000).

He has earned since his birth an average of $32.31 per heartbeat, and this is escalating. Here are some things he could do with his money:

Give every man, woman and child on the face of the Earth $7.46.
Pay every California Lottery prize for the next 34 years.
Fund 158 Mars Pathfinder missions.
Fund the US Department of Education for 19 years.
Pay tuition for the residents of Seattle and Tacoma to go to the University of Washington for four years.
Fund the US presence in the Persian Gulf for 11 months.
Fund the US peace keeping forces in Bosnia for 157 years.
Buy 233,346,297 copies of Microsoft Windows 95.
Buy 1,680,000,000 copies of his own book, buy more with his royalties from those sales, continuing the cycle and becomming easily the best selling author of all time.
If he wanted to challenge George Lucas (worth only $2 billion), he could make 227 sequels to "Waterworld," or 35,000 sequels to "Sling Blade."
At the median donation for spending a night in the White House, he could stay in the Lincoln Bedroom for 46,300 years.
If he wanted to go on a killing spree in Los Angeles County, at the rate that Simpson was charged, he could kill 3,360 people and pay all his attorney fees and punitive damages.
At the rate of 1/2 ounce per $27 million, he could pay Mike Tyson to eat 1/5 of Evander Holyfield.
He could fly from Seattle to Paris and back on Air France 45,258,621 times.
If he wanted to go to a local baseball game, he could buy Seattle Mariners season tickets, all of them, for 411 years, and with his spare change could buy the team and the Kingdome.
At Denny's, he could buy a "Grand Slam Slugger Breakfast" for 9,150,326,797 people.
If he couldn't get service, he could buy every man, woman and child in China a Big Mac Extra Value Meal, as long as no one "Super Sizes."
If they preferred, he could buy 17 billion packages of Top Ramen noodles.
He must like coffee, and could buy over 6 billion pounds of French roast at his local Starbuck's.
Speaking of a cup of coffee, he could support one of those Sally Struther's foreign kids for 113,341,969 years.

Perhaps what he need to spend money on most is a new pair of glasses and some hair conditioner.

My quest to improve my scratching technique lead me to find some very silly videos recently of some very good turntablists. One in particular DJ Keltech.

DJ Daft Fader <- this made me cry

World of the Worlds

PacMan - this guys fingers are FAST.

Knightrider

The Beerbelly attaches to your stomach and looks like a beer gut, allowing you to smuggle beer past security. Genius.

If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane or train...

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Boot it.
4. Make sure the person who won’t leave you alone can see the screen.
5. Open your email client to this message.
6. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
7. Then hit this link: http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf

 

German photographer Tanja Askani has found and photographed a bunny and deer who are best friends and like to nuzzle each other. No word yet on whether Disney will be suing the dumb beasts of the woods for copyright infringement. Still, it's clear that unless this kind of unauthorized work can be stamped out, hard-working cartoons like Bambi will be demoralized and cease to produce the films we know and love.

 

 

 

 

.

 

As much as we love SMSing (ok, not as much as this guy) and all the oddities surrounding this now essential part of 21st century life, it often enters our lives in really ridiculous ways. According to Japan Today, the national Fire and Disaster Management Agency is giving software to the nation's hotels so each establishment can alert its guests by SMS or email when there's a fire on the premesis. Apparently the logic goes that elderly hotel guests who leave their phone on vibrate won't hear a normal ring, not to mention a fire alarm klaxon, but will have the presence of mind to check for incoming SMSes. We haven't heard yet if you can text the fire department or the FDMA for help, though.

[Via Techdirt]

Yes people, it’s time to get your magnifying glasses out, because here comes the Top 10 Naked People on Google Earth!

Calculate your ego here - http://www.egosurf.org

My friend & colleague koan bremner has achieved an incredible 8th place on the ego list!

Here's my latest USB toy - a Missile launcher. Using the software you can aim, change angle of launch and remotely fire the missiles - perfect for getting someone's attention in the office!

available at Marks & Spencers

Also available for those who also collect pointless USB gadgets – a USB hamster – this one revolves when you type!

 

I'm thinking of getting this T-shirt.

I'll let the comments decide!

Mark your calendars - 19th September - International "Talk Like A Pirate" day.

check talklikeapirate.com for more details. Arrrrr! me hearties!

I’d always wondered where they came from.

 

 This is Chelsea, my chinchilla – after going thru a little Photoshop session

Inspired by a recent TV commercial, I choose my favourite animal as the subject for my latest experiment with Photoshop. Here I was messing about with targeted colour control and layer masks.

 

  

Looks like someone's been busy this weekend; many, many people who've been cheating using modded maps are now banned from Halo 2 Matchmaking. A recent example can be found in this forum post by pwn4ge, a member of the PraetoriaGuard clan - they were cheated in a Containment game (they even filmed it).

Take yourself back to your childhood - and I mean early childhood.

Get yourself a Scooter Desk

Robo-Raptor

WowWee, maker of the RoboSapien and the RoboPet, has launched the RoboRaptor in the UK

This robotic dinosaur can perform full, bi-pedal gaits and can be playful, aggressive, or nervous. The RoboSapien can also control him with his powerful robot mind. Trust me, this demon can rip your stupid Furby to shreds and then excrete the pieces. Keep him away from your Barbies, as well.

 Roboraptor launches in UK [T3]

 

 Golf - a good walk ruined, unless of course you have a remote-controlled golf ball, and then it's hilarious.

Just as I order my new Furby, a new Teddy Ruxpin is revealed. And he's digital!

Now if he just came with a USB connector...

The Superball prank has everything: a long set up, an incredible premise, and sweet, sweet release. The perpetrators, Gene and his work buddy, bought 2000 Superballs for $100. Instead of throwing them down a hall or eating them, they decided to create a Superball tsunami. Any prank that requires someone to try it out before the fact to confirm that it didn't hurt is a winner in our book.

The premise is simple: the pair created a firing tube, trapdoor ceiling tile, and a tripwire. The resulting torrent of Superballs freaks out their co-worker and provides minutes of WMV-encoded entertainment.

Thank you for all your submissions and thanks to you, Gene, for proving that rubber and potentially lethal trapdoors can still make us smile.

 A Superball Story [Lomont]

Made from a Real Squirrel(TM), this delightful little flask offers the heavy tippler a number of exciting opportunities to sneak drinks out of the corpse of a dead rodent. While some would question the value of such a delightful beverage container, I assure you that anyone who sees you sucking on the desiccated neck of an ex-squirrel will know you are a man of class and style. Perhaps the enterprising drinker can add a nice chain and wear the dead fellow around his or her neck?

Grow some cress - in your keyboard!

That's right Furby is back, more advanced than last time - a most for every home and office.

place your orders!

I am a Defender-ship. I am fiercely protective of my friends and loved ones, and unforgiving of any who would hurt them. Speed and foresight are my strengths, at the cost of a little clumsiness. I'm most comfortable with a few friends, but sometimes particularly enjoy spending time in larger groups. What Video Game Character Are You?

Cant afford a holiday? Dont have the time? Cant travel?

Why bother seeing the world for real? Now we have http://www.googlesightseeing.com/

Take your e-holiday today! I'm off to Disney Land

 

 

If you were wise, you never doubted. If you doubted you have little chance of understanding the complexity and consequences of your mental miscalculation. It's very simple. Much like the swift and masterfully orchestrated barrage of a monkey slapping you silly all the while sorting different systems of data hierarchically in his head. His disappearance is even swifter as you struggle to your senses helplessly...

Killer coding ninja monkeys do exist. At long last, like Jedis of yesteryear, they have revealed themselves...

After some tiring development work I can say safely that I (temporarily) hate computers. If you feel the same at the moment or are feeling in a destructive mood visit this site for some lite relief. Seriously cool over engineered shredding machine!

I have yet another USB toy on order to add to my collection of completly useless gadgets.

Just hope it doesnt leak in my laptop bag!

Bored with sending flowers & chocolates - light up your other half's life with some sparkling stuff - and I dont mean diamonds. Uranium Ore

1. IWillLinkToYouIfYouLinkToMe.com
2. AnotherSendentaryHobbyThatKeepsMyGiganticAssFromExercising.org
3. MyCompulsivelyUpdatedLinksToTheNewYorkTimes.com
4. YoungFatherDrowningInDiapersWantsLife.com
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9. IAmBoringAndIfYouAreReadingThisSoAreYou.com
10. MyVehicleAndItsManufacturerTotallyKickAss.net
11. EmotionallyStuntedPolemicist.com
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13. BecausePetRocksArentInStyleAnymore.org
14. PuttingMyLiberalArtsDegreeToSomeUse.com
15. users.pimplecream.com/sirpopzalot
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25. RegurgitatingShitIJustHeardRushLimbaughSay.us
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35. HalfAssedCryForHelp.com
36. BourgeoisBohemianHipster.com
37. TheSameKookyKrazyStuffEveryoneElseIsLinkingTo.com
38. UglyNewYorkMediaInsiderCircleJerk.com
39. DepressedEmotionalExhibitionist.ws
40. UpdatesFromYourFavoriteCelebritysWebmaster.com
41. VelvetClad.ChunkyGothGirls.com
42. PompousRuminationsOnMinutia.org
43. PageAfterPageOfBitchingAboutMyMother.com
44. ThePissyPontificatingProfessor.com
45. MyMostIntenselyPrivateThoughtsAndSecretsForAllTheWorldToSee.com
46. PrimalHowlsOfASnivelingCoward.net
47. CantDo-CantTeach-CanBlog.org
48. BlurryDigitalPhotosOfMyHomelyChildrenAndPets.org
49. ProcrastinatingOnMyBrilliantNovelAboutAGiftedWriterAndHisCrazyAdventuresChangingTheWorldFromDeepInsideTheUltraSignificantBlogosphere.com
50. MyBlogAboutHowLameIThinkBlogsAre.com

From Chicken Head

How do they collect the fine?

 

Bit Erosion. This could finally explain why some of our customers systems stop working after we've left them in a perfectly working condition. That or they've just muppets.